Love Always Comes When You Least Expect It

My mind is full of love stories, but none of them are mine

I feel like I have every reason to complain and question the love in my life, especially romantic love. Don’t get me wrong, there is a lot of love around me. I love my friends, appreciate my teachers, and cherish my family. It’s not that there is no love in my life because there is no romantic love. But my mind is full of love stories, but there is no one that belongs to me. I know I am still young and have a lot of time, so I shouldn’t be too anxious. After all, everyone says that love always comes when you least expect it. 

Is it true? 

I have heard this sentence so many times that it has become a cliché. I increasingly feel that it is just a comforting lie. Just like your parents say to you, "Don’t worry, love will come naturally," although it is well-intentioned, it is just to make you relax. But the problem is that I can’t help myself from looking forward to it. Maybe it’s because I have read too many stories about red thread theory and soul mates, but no matter what, I can’t help but think about it. I am not looking for a lover in front of everyone, but it is inevitable to think about it. I always felt a little prickly when I saw my friends and their partners doing things I longed to experience.

I couldn't help but imagine that one day someone might love me as much as I loved others and see the real me. But I knew that this was the problem: I expected too much. I naturally thought that if I was willing to do everything for others, they should do everything for me. But that was not the case. 

I longed to be loved. 

However, it was difficult to truly experience love when I was not even sure what it was. I knew the meaning of the word love, which consists of four letters, but I had a hard time feeling it. Because I always wanted my love life to be as romantic as in books or movies. I thought I was beautiful, smart and even a little funny. But these didn't seem to matter, at least in my own mind. Maybe I was overthinking it, maybe it was all just an illusion. Maybe I made myself unworthy of love. I hurt myself so often that it was really incredible. So I told myself to stop expecting love. But to be honest, I didn't know how to do it. Because deep down, I still believed: I longed to be chosen. To be seen, to be understood, to have someone willing to share every aspect of my life with me, no matter how many flaws I have. But is this really the case? Or is this just a rhetoric created by society to comfort hopeless romantics like me?

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